The newspaper article is an interesting idea but not really feasible as Tellus Prime is, like the Tracys, trying to hide the connection between its covert operations and its more respectable front. There are likely members of the Society who have no idea that Tellus Prime is connected to them.
I understand what you're saying about the variety of sentences and I'll work on that. I'll do what I can to break them up without rewriting. It was originally written for NaNoWriMo, where every word counts - literally.
I like the idea of making this a prologue! It does break up the story a bit, and making it a prologue would correct that.
The corrections I've made are going up on FanNation. Ruth H is helping me with some of the mechanical problems (like a lot of missing words!) and some comments as a TV-verse reader. Looking forward to your comments on the next chapter!
ETA: In talking with my friend, Susanmartha, I've decided I need to mix this whole mess in with the rest of the story. Have little dribs and drabs of information about Tellus Prime and the Society throughout the story. I think that will work better than this big data dump. So, lots of rewrite to do, and I promised Ruth another chapter by Friday (when my parents arrive!).
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-09-28 02:31 am (UTC)I understand what you're saying about the variety of sentences and I'll work on that. I'll do what I can to break them up without rewriting. It was originally written for NaNoWriMo, where every word counts - literally.
I like the idea of making this a prologue! It does break up the story a bit, and making it a prologue would correct that.
The corrections I've made are going up on FanNation. Ruth H is helping me with some of the mechanical problems (like a lot of missing words!) and some comments as a TV-verse reader. Looking forward to your comments on the next chapter!
ETA: In talking with my friend, Susanmartha, I've decided I need to mix this whole mess in with the rest of the story. Have little dribs and drabs of information about Tellus Prime and the Society throughout the story. I think that will work better than this big data dump. So, lots of rewrite to do, and I promised Ruth another chapter by Friday (when my parents arrive!).