Moonstrike! Chapter 3 - Trust

[tikatu]

Author's note: For the record, I'm using Chris Bentley's birth order, but John Marriott's ages for the Tracy children. Therefore Scott is 30, John is 27 (as is Brains), Virgil is 25, Gordon is 22 (so is Tin-Tin), and Alan is 21. I'm posting this today to catch up with the posting on devART. And this is where I need to get feedback on Rhea, especially, please.

Disclaimers, et al.
Chapter 1: Discovery
Chapter 2: Enemies

---

July, 2065

"Are you sure about this?" Jeff put the data pad that Brains had handed him on the speckled surface of his desk. He'd read it thoroughly twice. Ever since John and Brains, both sober-faced, had come to him with their pronouncement, he'd been turning things over and over in his mind. The World Government had announced the event, but had assured the population that there was nothing to fear, there was no threat to the Earth from the oncoming objects. Again and again, as various scientists and astronomers rose up to disagree, they reiterated their certain knowledge that there was nothing to fear. But here were his son and his chief engineer, bringing their own certain knowledge that, yes, there was a threat, and that International Rescue needed to develop a plan for dealing with it.

There really was no doubt about whom he truly trusted.

Now Brains had come to him again, sober-faced, with a recommendation. A plan so audacious, and so broad in scope, that Jeff wanted to be sure of his facts before committing not only the time, energy, and resources of International Rescue – including the lives of his sons – but also the time, energy and resources of Tracy Ventures and its CEO.

"I am, uh, sure about it, M-Mr. Tracy." Brains polished the lenses of his glasses again. "If we use Thunderbird Two's basic, uh, design for the shuttles, we'll be able to carry what we need, wherever we, uh, need it." He slipped his glasses back into place and straightened, sighing a little. "The other item is more p-problematic, but Tin-Tin and I are working on something that would, uh, work. It's a variation on the new flying c-camera."

"How long will this take? Will we have everything done in time?" Jeff sat back, picking up the data pad again. "I know Thunderbird Three is really ill-equipped for this task."

"Whether or not we have everything in time will depend on how fast T-Tracy Ventures can work on the required equipment." Brains shrugged. "You would know that better than I, uh, would."

"Actually, Rhea would know more about our production schedules than I do right now," Jeff said, a wry look on his face. "I'll call New York and sound her out on it." He handed the data pad back to Brains. "The shuttles first, I think. Get the plans and designs to me as soon as possible. Then the other equipment." His face took on a thoughtful look. "What about the probes? Are they ready?"

"They're ready for transport to Thunderbird Five on Three's next, uh, trip up there."

Jeff sat back again and sighed. "Good. We'll need as much information as possible to determine when phase three will be needed, and how to proceed with it."

"Yes, sir." Brains glanced over the data pad again before saving the file and rising. "Thank you, M-Mr. Tracy, for your trust in me."

"You're not the only one involved, Brains, but even if my son wasn't part of this, I'd still trust you. You haven't steered me wrong yet." Jeff smiled, a taut, grim expression. "I'll talk with you later."

Brains had crossed the room before stopping and turning, a thoughtful look on his face. "Should I ask, uh, Virgil for his help on this?"

Jeff sat back slowly. He was quiet for a few moments, then shook his head slowly. "No. Not yet. Don't say anything. I want the boys to focus on our planet-side operations without this future undertaking hanging over their heads. No sense of getting them all fired up now about something that's going to take a couple of years to bring to completion."

Brains frowned, but nodded. "Okay, M-Mr. Tracy. I won't, uh, say anything until you give the word."

"Tell Tin-Tin the same thing, and I'll tell John." Jeff blew out a long breath and shook his head again. "We've got a big job to do, Brains. I only hope we're up to the task."

"M-Me, too, Mr. Tracy," Brains said, his tone fervent. "Me, too." He made a motion indicating he was ready to leave, and Jeff nodded, dismissing him.

When Brains had left the room, Jeff checked his watch. "She's probably at home right now." He activated his vidphone. "I hope I can convince her of the need, too."

xxxx

"Miss Tracy's residence." Though Jeff had chosen "voice and picture" the screen on his vidphone remained stubbornly blank. Still he knew who had answered, the slightly-French, slightly-Southern, altogether Cajun tones in those three words identified the speaker completely. "May I ask who is callin'?"

"It's Jeff Tracy, Therese." Suddenly, the screen switched on, showing a plump, smiling, dark-skinned face looking back at him. "Is my daughter available?"

"Hello, Mr. Tracy. Yes, Miss Allison is here and in her study. I'll transfer you to the phone there."

"Thank you, Therese."

The housekeeper gave Jeff a smile and a nod, and the screen went blank again. A bit of Irish music, heavy on the fiddle, played for him, and he wondered once again why his only girl preferred to use her middle name in business instead of her first name. "As Mother says, Rhea is a perfectly good name," he murmured. Then the vidphone snapped back to life again, and he smiled. "Good evening, Rhea. How are things yesterday?"

There was a mischievous twinkle in the blue eyes that looked back at him. "Just fine, Dad. How's everything in tomorrow land?"

Jeff studied the face before him, marveling again at the blending of himself and his late wife in his daughter's features. Rhea Allison Tracy was the eldest of his children, born three years before Scott. She had his nose, and her cheeks sported the same deep dimples as Scott's and his own did. Her chestnut colored hair - swept back from a proud forehead and gathered in a loose ponytail - was the same color as Lucille's and Virgil's. Her high cheekbones reminded him of John – and his own father – while her blue eyes were the same shape as her mother's had been. He sighed. As much as Virgil reminded him of Lucille, Rhea sometimes reminded him of her even more.

"Dad?" Rhea's smile had faded, and her expression turned to a puzzled one.

"I'm sorry, Rhea. I was woolgathering." He squared his shoulders, sitting up straight. "Is your line secure?"

"Hold on a sec." Rhea disappeared from his screen. When she returned, a few minutes later, she had an earphone with mike settled on one ear. "As secure as can be, now," she replied, her frown deepening. "What's up?"

Jeff hesitated. Lady Penelope herself had seen to the privacy of his daughter's home office, but this news was something he felt paranoid about uttering over the phone. It seemed more the type of thing to whisper into someone's ear. Finally, he shook his head to counter the hesitation, and plunged in.

"You know I hate bringing up work when you're at home, even more so when it involves our other family enterprise." That was their code phrase for International Rescue. "But something very important has been brought to my attention that will require the assistance of Tracy Ventures."

She unconsciously followed his lead, sitting up and squaring her shoulders. "Sounds serious."

"It is." He reached over to hit a couple of keys on his computer. "I've downloaded the gist of the matter, along with Brains's recommendations and specifications."

Rhea accessed her box on the International Rescue server. She rarely used it; for the most part, she was outside that organization and preferred to remain so. Opening the files her father had sent, she began to scan them, her reading slowing as she got further into the material. Her frown deepened, and finally, she glanced up at Jeff.

"I don't get it, Dad. The World Gov says there's nothing happening here. No danger to any of the planets in the system, much less the Earth. Where'd you get this info?"

"John." Jeff watched her eyes widen at the sound of her brother's name. "Brains confirms it."

She had gone back to reading the files, now getting into the recommendations. "A space-going shuttle, with a detachable pod? Sounds a lot like what International Rescue's cargo carrier is reported to look like." She gave her father a lightning quick wink.

"Really?" Jeff drawled out the word, his face a study in calculated disinterest. "I wouldn't know."

Rhea rolled her eyes, and said in a wry tone, "No, I suppose you wouldn't." Turning her attention back to the data in front of her, she got back to business. "It would be useful, yes, if it's feasible. I can see it not only carrying cargo, but also passengers... something that will be needed if this whole mess comes to pass." She picked up a stylus to highlight an area in the file, then sat back to tap the stylus against her chin. A small smile crossed Jeff's lips as he recognized that particular habit of his own. She went on. "Tracy Transport could find a use for them, I'm sure, so building them wouldn't look terribly out of place. But the other..."

"Brains and Tin-Tin are going to work on that. It's up to you to find the space in the production schedule for it, and somehow camouflage what we're really building... whatever that turns out to be."

"Kind of hard to do when I don't know precisely what form it will take," Rhea replied, her tone wry. She tapped the stylus on her chin again. "However, I think that this might be a good inaugural project for the new Dakar plant. It'll fall under Tracy Tech's purview anyway." Glancing over at her father again, she asked, "What do my brothers have to say about this?"

Jeff shook his head. "I haven't told them about it yet. They need to focus on what we're doing now, and not have this project hanging over their heads."

Rhea raised a dark eyebrow, but said nothing. International Rescue belonged to her father, and her younger brothers. She didn't interfere unless something about it affected Tracy Ventures as well – as this did. "Well, have Brains get the shuttle specs to Tracy Aerospace as soon as he can." She frowned a little, and shook her head. "I would suggest he make some cosmetic changes – if this looks too much like that green thing, any hope we have of keeping our two family businesses apart will fail." Fixing her father with a stern eye, she added, "You know very well there are already sketches and blurred footage on the Internet, as well as eyewitnesses who will talk."

Her father looked mulish for a moment, then nodded, his face clearing. "You have a point. I'll put it to him in those terms, too."

Having made her point, she smiled, "I'll have start shifting things around and make space for their production at the Albuquerque plant. Once we have a prototype to show..."

"We may not have time for a prototype, Rhea." Jeff's voice was firm.

She smiled gently. "I know, Dad. Any 'prototype' will be ready for flight, and for delivery. In any case, I want to make a big show of what we're building and unveil our 'plans' for these at Tracy Transport. That should keep the World Gov guessing."

Jeff nodded again, a firm, pleased smile on his lips. "Sounds like you've got a good idea there, Rhea. We can discuss it more later. I just wanted to bring you up to speed on this."

A troubled look crossed Rhea's face. "Dad?"

"Yes, Rhea?"

She hesitated. "I know you trust Brains and John, and I do, too, but for once, I hope they're wrong."

Jeff sighed, his shoulders drooping. "I wish they were, but in my heart, I know they're not. And I'm afraid it'll be up to us to deal with this situation."

Rhea nodded. "I'll work on my end of things. Have a little talk with Elias and Gillian about the shuttles, and bring the plans for the other to Cherise." She smiled. "Do you have anything for Tracy Construction to do? Just so Ron doesn't feel left out."

"Build a launch pad for the shuttles, perhaps." Jeff rubbed his chin. "Depends on whether or not we can use the existing facilities at our New Mexico spaceport."

"If we're going to build another launch pad, I need those shuttle specifications yesterday." Rhea cocked her head to one side, which made her look so much like her mother that Jeff took in a sharp, silent breath. "The development time will be short on whatever it is that Brains and Tin-Tin come up with. I'll have to come up with some sort of cover for it... and a client, or there'll be questions asked by the bean counters."

"As you said, we need to keep International Rescue out of it at all costs." Jeff was adamant. "Information like that will leak out, no matter how quiet we try to keep it. No one must know what we're planning. We can't take the chance of this being disrupted by anyone. Not the government, not the media, not even Marilee's tiger cat! Everything needs to be handled through Tracy Ventures."

Rhea nodded emphatically. "Okay. I think I can use one or two of the outrider companies to do the ordering, and I have an idea for a cover." She gave her father a wry smile. "Situations like this make me glad we don't have a big group of nosy stockholders."

"Me, too. And it makes me glad I have a daughter astute enough to create those outrider companies for ordering International Rescue's materials." Jeff gave Rhea a slow wink. "I'm just happy that I don't have to worry about the taxes involved."

His encouragement made Rhea chuckle. "At least they look profitable from the outside, and it would take some digging to trace them back to us." She paused, looking thoughtful, then added, "Do I tell anyone about this? Maybe the agents on staff? This might need an extra level of security..."

"I'll bring Penny in on it, and have her choose who among the agents should know. I expect Marilee to be one of those; in fact, I'll make sure she is. As for the rest of the employees, it's all business as usual." Jeff looked grave. "This is a big job, Rhea, and we can't do it without you."

"I know." Rhea's soft tone matched his. "You can count on me, Dad."

"I'm glad I can." Jeff straightened again, and leaned back in his chair. "So, when will you be coming to visit?"

She huffed out a laugh. "You dump all this in my lap then want me to come to the island?" She shook her head. "No sooner than Thanksgiving, Dad, and maybe more like Christmas. There's too much to do." Leaning in, she added, "There's no rule that says you can't come to New York for a vacation... or maybe send someone else out for a change of scenery. John, Scott, Virgil... even Brains would be welcome."

"Not Gordon or Alan?" Jeff laughed at the wry face she made.

"Well... I guess I could put up with one of them." Rhea's response was mockingly grudging, and she put up a finger, shaking it in front of the phone's camera. "But just one at a time! Please!"

Jeff laughed again. "I'll think about it, honey; I'll think about it. But see if you can pry a weekend or so free, please. You know we like to see you."

"And I like to see you... and my brothers, of course. Hell, I even like to see Grandma once in a while!" Her gaze had turned mischievous again. "I'll see what I can do." Her voice got softer. "I love you, Dad. Talk to you again soon."

"Ditto, honey." Jeff's response was full of unspoken emotion. "Be seeing you. Goodbye."

He cut the conversation off at his end, and sat staring at the screen for a bit. "Now comes the hard part," he murmured. "Waiting for it to all come together."

Comments

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

I like Rhea! I think you handled her introduction very well and I especially like the bit at the end about Gordon and Alan - very sibling response, hee :)

I really can't wait for more of this. It's very interesting and a great read!

[tikatu.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your feedback on Rhea so far, and especially about her introduction. I'm glad it works!

Most of the "Tracy sister" fics introduce the sister right away, and she's either a terrible Mary Sue who can do everything that all her brothers can do, or she's a coddled little rebel who wants to be a Thunderbird but can't because she's a girl and her father and brothers are overprotective of her. She's also usually a twin to one of the boys (usually Alan or John). The story becomes all about her, and not about the brothers.

So, as you can see, I'm deliberately tiptoeing around those particular minefields, and trying hard to keep from stepping on any of them. So that's why I really need feedback on her.

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

I think a big thing people don't take into account when they introduce a sibling is that they are, in fact, a sibling and forgetting about the rest of the family destroys the attempt to build that character into the universe.

if that makes sense...

[tikatu.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it does. The other stories (mostly movie-verse) don't include rescues and the brothers are basically one-note characters, meant to torment or be overbearing or uncaring or whatever the writer (and these are also usually self-inserts) thinks is unfair in their own lives.

Y'know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder why I'm not posting this at ff.net... my reasons sound pretty lame at this point.

[thatgirlsix.livejournal.com]

So here I am, chapter three. Let's dig in:

- Be careful to keep track your stage directions (for lack of a better term). In the first section, Jeff sits back several times without having moved forward. This is going to sound silly, but don't give characters something to do simply for the sake of giving them something to do. Movement has a purpose. Every time Jeff sits back, what does it say about him, where he is in his head or whatnot.

- Commas. Let's talk commas one of these days. :-) There are so many unnecessary ones laying about here. Think of a comma like a jalapeno pepper. They add a great deal of flavor, but if you use too much, they overpower.

- "How are things yesterday?/tomorrow land?" I'm amused.

- I say this knowing I'm just as guilty of it, but ... Things like "That was their code phrase for International Rescue" are things that you don't actually need to say. Trust your readers to pick up on little things like that. You've mentioned before that this is a NaNo project, so word count counts. But make sure you aren't using words for the sake of using them, especially since they will have to be cut later. Something like this you can trust us to get.

- I'll get to Rhea as a whole when I'm done reading the chapter, but until then ... One of the notes I'm going to give you is that, seeing as how you want to turn the whole sister thing on its head, you want to make her entrance as seamless as possible. This line, "What do my brothers have to say about this?", pulls away from that. (I'm making these notes as I go along, so just hold on to this until I get to the end ... )

- "I know you trust Brains and John, and I do, too, but for once, I hope they're wrong." Nice line. I can hear the darkness in her voice on it. Nice.

- I think I made this note with the first chapter, but I noticed it this time around as well. When there are only two people in the room/conversing, don't be afraid to let the dialogue flow a little bit. You can go two, sometimes three exchanges (depending on the length) without having to interrupt the conversation with asides/tags/stage directions. It will help build tension in the conversation if you allow them to talk on; it will help create, in this particular case, a flow of them thinking together, working together to show the trust between them. It will show a partnership between them. It will make the conversation and writing tighter, too.

So ... Rhea. I know she's the big thing you wanted feedback on this time around.

Yes, I like her. She seems capable, trusted, and self-motivated. I like that she enjoys her life (and name even) separate from the island. She's her own person. That works well.

The things I would watch for? Taking the time to describe her all in one shot. Don't. If she pulls on her ponytail, mention the color of it. If she's up late, mention that her blue eyes are rimmed in red. In my mind at least, the key to keeping even a sister addition from being a Mary Sue is that she needs to have been a part of things all along. You didn't take the time to describe how Jeff looks or Brains looks or John. So why describe how she looks? Does that make sense?

The other thing I would watch for with her is little phrasing like "What do my brothers have to say about this?" Think about how you talk. If you were talking to your parents, would you say "my brothers", or would you say "the guys" or "the others" or something along those lines? "My brothers" sounds too detached, like you're trying to make the point again that she's their sister. To make her the anti-Sue, don't make her insertion stick out at all. She's always been there. She doesn't need introduction.

Anyhoo, I did catch a missing word or two, but I lost track of them. I'll come back to it if you want. But otherwise, yes, another successful chapter. You're doing great! I'm intrigued. If all goes well, I'll get to more tomorrow.

As always, remember that none of this is said in anything other than the loudest, sunshiniest tone you could possibly imagine. None of it is meant to be critical, only helpful. I'm totally cheering you on. :-D

[tikatu.livejournal.com]

Interesting that you mention "stage directions". One of my other commenters said it sounded like I was writing a play, not a novel. I'll keep an eye on that "Jeff sat back"... I am trying to keep away from the "all dialog with no movement or description" business that I can easily fall into.

I think I had changed "the boys" into "my brothers" because there were too many "the boys" in the narrative or something. Good idea about the "needs no introduction". I'll tweak it up some more.

And I do hear every word you say in the sunshiniest tone possible!! I asked for this and you're giving me fair critique.

[thatgirlsix.livejournal.com]

See, I'm still working my way through several libraries. Going dialogue-heavy is an issue, huh? That's something I can help with then. One of the women I beta for is like that, too. She's a lawyer and, as such, writes very much like she's writing a legal brief rather than a piece of fiction. We've really had to work on her ability to create a story versus what is essentially a script.

You'll get there. It just takes practice. :-)

I'm glad you're okay with it. You know how some people say they don't mind concrit, but then they get defensive as soon as it starts coming their way? I'm shy enough as it is, so I get nervous when someone asks me to say more than "YAY, MORE!", you know?

So I don't know how much weight my help has, but I'll keep trying as long as you want me. But yeah, I never want you to hear anything negative or superior in my notes. I just don't think that way.

Oh, but yes, about Rhea. That's the thing. She's always been a member of the family, so for her to be introduced in a way different from the rest of them only calls her out. That, to me, is the biggest mistake people make with OCs. They tell us about them in big blocks of knowledge, setting them apart and usually trying to make us like them. But if you write them in there as if they've been there all along, we have to accept that they are simply part of the world. It's also why I never introduce an OC in a summary. If a character is to be accepted, they have to be accepted on their merits, not because they're being crammed down our throats. So let her just be there. You'll be amazed at how much easier she'll be accepted.

Now I'm definitely off to bed. Thinky thoughts should not be happening right now. Yikes.

Happy writing, Sweets!